Berjalan Mencari Makna dalam Hidup


  • Allah & His Messenger
  • my family
  • mereka yang menyayangi saya :))
  • babies and toddlers
  • my course
  • my late cat :(

Thursday, January 29, 2009

nude parade


I guess many would be shocked with the title above, just as i was. This happened in Singapore, my homeland. I really can't believe that this happened here, especially since Singapore is still considered as a conservative cosmopolitan city.

Please click the link to read more:

I don't understand why some people like to deviate from the norms. Being nude in public is not something great. Clearly, i suppose, those people who did that have some conflicts within themselves.

Yet, those who saw considered the act as a 'free show'. Where have all the shame go? Being the doer is one thing, but being a spectator, and clearly enjoying the moment...i felt ashamed just by reading. And one person's comment made my heart stopped beating (momentarily).

Honestly, the person said
"Singapore is getting more and more exciting." Exciting? I don't think so. How can i be proud of my homeland when things like this is happening?

I really wanted to islamisise Singapore, at least within the community. But i felt, the more i wanted to do, the more barriers are coming my way. My community is being tainted, and i'm still struggling to make changes.

What with IR coming, i'm not sure if conservativeness will still be practiced here. I just hope i'll not live to see the day when social destruction occurs. When Singapore decides it will be just like the Westerners.

Allahu Yuhafizuna...

Saturday, January 24, 2009


How to educate the public to pick and choose the right food? Right meaning halaalan thoyyiban. Because i'm seeing many Malay Muslims nowadays do not take care much on what they consumed.

One incident justifies my claim above. I and a few friends were at a shopping centre when we saw a muslim lady going to a bakery that sells bread with pork in it. We decided to tell the lady not to buy the breads there. However, the lady just told us that the bakery have different trays for muslim and non-muslims, so there is no worry that the tray she was carrying will have any pork residue and such.

We were not worried about the tray, but the bread she was going to buy was our concern. The bread that she was going to consume. Even though she may not buy the one which have pork in it, but those breads were made from the same hands. The same utensils.

Just like some perceptions that if one buys an ice-cream from Haagen Dazs, but he/she does not buy the one that has rum in it, then it is acceptable.

Sometimes when i saw muslims buying from these places i feel bad if i don't tell them not to buy. Yet i don't have the courage to speak up.

So how do we actually approach on this subject?



Alhamdullilah. I've got to watch Forum Perdana that i attended back in Singapore yesterday on RTM1. During the actual recording, i couldn't hear anything the panels said. So i was naturally excited to actually listened to what they said then. Ok, i was a bit disappointed not to see myself appear on-screen..but la ba'sa...

I would just like to bring up a point which i felt that connected with me deeply. Somehow i've been looking for answers regarding this. Allah s.w.t has it all planned out for me to watch the programme and somehow let the answer revealed itself to me yesterday. How beautiful are Allah's works.

Change. Something inevitable, unavoidable.

People change. Animals change. Plants change. Every single living thing in this world change. Because it is fitrah.

If one says "i can't change", then be prepared.

Because you either change for the better at your own will...or you just change for the worse without you realising.

I myself am one of those who likes to say "i can't change". Now i realised how much harm i can do to myself with those words. Because i won't change by myself, nature will take over my role. I would be shaped into a worse being than i was before.

It was a tight slap for me.

The panel said, when one refuses to change, from a human being, he will turn into a beast (a human, yet with animal characteristics). If he refuses still, he will turn into being the same kind as animals, bal hum adhal. Eventually, the person might just like the syaitans. The worst of the worst. Na'uzubillah.

I don't want to be like that. To be put into the same level as animals is bad enough, but to be seen like a syaitan...i can't take that.

So no matter how hard it takes to change, i must prepare myself for changes...for the better.

Like wise (yet stinging) words: "Sia-sia menjadi seorang muslim, yang hari ini sama dengan hari semalamnya, hari esok sama dengan hari ini"

Because we as muslims are encouraged to make our day today better than yesterday, and tomorrow better than today.

Then that's my resolution.

Wallahu a'lam

Friday, January 23, 2009


Setelah beberapa post yang lalu kite bermadah, biarlah kali ini kite bercerita pula. Kalau ada post yang bermadah tu, maknanya tengah emotional la tu...maklumlah, layan perasaan...

Entah apa yang terjadi dengan blogku. Nak bukak blog tak bole...haiz, mcm mane nie. Nak tulis post bole, nak bukak blog yang tak. Kene go through virus checker atau spyware remover. Aduh, terseksa jiwa rasenye. Da la bab2 computer nie illiterate sikit (byk la tu).

Takpe la, kite sambung cerita.

Tadi, mase bukak facebook, dapat friend request dari seseorang hamba Allah bernama Mohamed Ali. Sebenarnya memang tak kenal pun, tapi add aje la...baru sesecond add, die da ajak bual. Ok la, layankan. Malas sebenarnya, tp ingatkan takpe friend je. Lepas tu die mintak msn pulak. Hai mamat nie, belum ape2 da mintak msn. Takpe la kasi jugak. (Masalah den nie, susah sangat nak cakap no)

Lepas tu, terus die add kat msn. Bual jugak. Tapi....tibe2 hantar mesej nak view webcam. Aik, pelik betul la. Tak kenal terus nak buat video call ngan kite. Ok, ok...ignore je. Kalau tak terima and tak decline, mesti takde pape kan.

Tapi mamat nie betul2 nak tengok kite. Ish, tak bole la...keadaan tak mengizinkan. Dan....walaupun keadaan mengizinkan, who are you to view me? I don't even know who you are.

Kite pun cakap la, tak bole la. Kalau ikot speech betul2 die: "I don't think there's a need to do so"...lps tu die siap call my dear lagi...hai, nie da melampau nie.

Tapi lepas tu, terus die stop bual. Aduh, nampak la sangat-sangat kegatalannya. Bukan ikhlas nak berkawan, tapi saje je nak view orang. Kalau berkenan terus kawan, kalau tak berkenan, tinggalkan. (Ok, ok...i won't be suuz zhaan)

Nasib baik la tak accept request to view webcam tadi. Ish, sepatutnya dari awal lagi tak accept friend request tu pun. Kan da menyusahkan diri sendiri. Haiz...

Lain kali kan, nak kene hati-hati la bile online nie, especially kat facebook atau friendster. Tu la, dulu diajar online safety tak nak dengar. Da terhantuk baru terngadah.

Alhamdulillah, Allah masih pelihara diri ini.

Btw, name deeya tu macam name orang India ke??

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

the winds of change is blowing
Allah has made it all possible

we make plans
we do strategies
but He implements them
the way He wanted them to be

we can only perceive

-the truth will eventually win-

does it have to be this way?

is it always going to end up like this?

for i am not ready

for i am fragile

the burden may be too much for me

am i asking too much?

my questions are left unanswered

and i am hanging on a splitting thread

You know me best
You know my deepest fear
my deepest longing
my deepest need
Guide me to the right path
and help me find the answers

You are the only salvation
my one and only

only You deserves so...

Monday, January 19, 2009


Alhamdulillah, i've graduated from phase one of friendly comparative religion training yesterday. I'm glad i made the choice to go. Alhamdulillah, Allah has given me the opportunity to learn more about comparative religion. This is all His works, The Almighty.

I felt that my iman is renewed with every new information given. Subhanallah, Allah's knowledge is so vast. And we humans can never surpass him, even if we are the genius among all.

I also realised that with the knowledge attained, i must use it and share it, not keep it to myself. And it also means, i have a huge responsibility now. The responsibility of dakwah as well as islah. Dakwah to non-muslims, and islah to my fellow brothers and sisters in Islam.

There are a lot of things that i want to share. InsyaAllah, i'll try to include what i've learnt in my next posts.

Phase two is about seven months away, so as Bro Shah Kirit put it, we must start the dakwah and islah now. Spread the words even if it's a sentence.

Wallahu a'lam

Friday, January 16, 2009


kadang kala kita terlalu banyak ketawa
kelak kita akan banyak menangis

ujian yang kita dapat
yang kita tempuh
sebenarnya tarbiyyah dari Allah

Allah s.w.t
mengajar kita dalam apa jua keadaan
mendidik kita dengan cabaran

Ayuh bangkit teman-teman
bangkit dari kekalahan
bangkit dari kegagalan

Gagal sekali
tidak bererti gagal selamanya

Allah Maha Adil
Dia meletakkan kesusahan ke atas hambaNya
sesuai dengan kemampuannya

Fainna ma'al 'usri yusra
Inna ma'al 'usri yusra

Monday, January 12, 2009

mabruk ya akhi!!!


Before any of you get any strange ideas about this 'akhi', it actually refers to my brother, my biological younger brother. Alhamdulillah, he has gotten his 'O' level results today. I'm very, very, very happy for him because he had done well, better than me, in fact. Even though it crushed my ego to say that. Haha...

We have grown. I barely notice how much years had passed on. Sometimes, childhood seems just like yesterday. And today, i'm an adult.

Same goes with my brothers. I still feel as if they are still little kids who need to be taken care of. Especially my youngest brother, whom i still like to call 'baby', even though he is going on 13 this year. (Oh, he will be very mad at me if he knows i blog about this).

Time sure is precious. You can never get back a second gone.

All this while, i've always wondered how my mother, who had became a widow, coped with raising four children who had lost their father at such a tender age. My sister and i have not even gone through our adoslescent years yet. Youngest brother was only 7 months old then.

I guess mothers have the strongest spirit of all. Despite having to fend off for the family 'without prior notice', mothers will do it no matter how hard it is. Only mothers are granted with that kind of willpower.

Mothers deserve salutation, even if they never ask for it.

I thank you mom for bringing me up. From the bottom of my heart, I LOVE YOU

Sunday, January 11, 2009

this is an obligation for me
i have to do this
the power is in my hands

even if i am just a person
an entity out of many
i can make a difference

they are not invincible
they are not indestructible
they are but just normal beings
a mere creation

the idea is not impossible
do it
and you may be granted

**they are ailing: (
i won't forget my duties i hope
i don't want to be like them

i remember your words (or so you said):
"jangan sibuk mengecam Israel yang menzalimi Palestin,
tapi kita menzalimi saudara sendiri.
tanggungjawab yang telah diberikan tak laksanakan
sampaikan saudara sendiri terpaksa korbankan diri
sebab buatkan tanggungjawab kita.
tak ke sama kita dengan Israel yang zalim itu?"

may those words stick to my mind
may i won't be like them, the dzalimuun

school of hard knocks

What is life without challenges.
Take it as part and parcel of life.
Challenges in this world are nothing as compared to the hereafter.

Make mistakes?
Admit it, then learn from it
No one is free from mistakes

Should not be the first reaction to mistakes

My dignity?
is not of the utmost importance...
no sweat, it can be restored

for i craved only to be in Allah's good books
to be in His best lights, always

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Sedih...sedih yang amat sangat. Kenapa begitu kejam mereka diperlakukan, tanpa langsung ada rasa keihsanan oleh golongan laknatullah itu. Tiada sezarrah simpati mereka ke atas bayi dan anak-anak kecil yang terkorban. Apa mereka tidak terfikir jika yang sama terjadi ke atas anak-anak mereka? Apa mereka tidak akan sedih atas kehilangan anak-anak mereka?

Sungguh ku tak faham. Logikkah jika hendak mematikan seorang militan, berpuluh-puluh harus dibunuh. Logikkah jika dilempar dengan batu, yang kadang tidak terkena, dibalas lemparan itu dengan serangan bom. Sia-sia mempunyai pengetahuan yang banyak, andai ilmu yang ada tidak disulami dengan perasaan ihsan.

Benci...benci dengar kezaliman yang berlaku ke atas saudaraku. Kezaliman yang dilakukan ke atas mereka, dipekakkan telinga, dibutakan mata, dibisukan mulut oleh orang sekeliling. Kezaliman yang sudah lama bertapak, tapi langsung tiada tindakan apa-apa ke atas golongan laknatullah ini.

Bagaimana aku?

Help us through our times of need
For you are our only salvation
For you are the reason we live
and you are the reason we die...

*Write, anything and everything that show you care for our brothers and sisters over in Gaza, Palestine.
For the pen is mightier than the sword.
May our words help to ease their pain and sufferings.
May our writings reach to those who can make a difference.

it's unfair that i can smile
while they have to live with cruelty and vile

it's unfair to hear laughter
when villainy happens at the border

people are dying
yet we are not trying

what we should do
is du'a for our dear brothers and sisters
for du'a is our secret weapon

may Allah s.w.t bless the souls of the martyrs
may they be placed among the al-faaizuun

Friday, January 9, 2009


Alhamdulillah, segala puji syukur ku panjatkan ke atas Ilahi yang telah memberi kami di Balai Islam KUAZ peluang untuk menganjurkan aktiviti-aktiviti 'islamic' buat warga KUAZ.

5 Januari yang lalu kami telah diberi tanggungjawab untuk menganjurkan sambutan ma'al hijrah di kolej. Hamdan lillah, program sambutan ma'al hijrah berjalan dengan lancar walaupun mendapat arahan dalam masa yang singkat. Sambutan dari warga kolej juga memuaskan. InsyaAllah, moga-moga aktiviti sebegini pada masa-masa akan datang akan mendapat sambutan yang lebih baik.

8 Januari lalu pula telah berlangsung program Dakwah Mingguan buat julung-julung kalinya. Aku sedikit terkilan dengan sambutan yang ditunjukkan, tetapi sebagaimana yang dikatakan seorang teman, biarpun jemaah yang datang hanya seorang atau dua, program ini harus tetap dijalankan. Mungkin dengan izin Allah s.w.t, jika diberi hidayahNya pada malam itu, seorang atau dua itu akan terbuka hatinya untuk menghayati Islam.

Sudah pastinya aku akan menjadi sibuk sekali dengan berjalannya program ini. Kadang-kadang aku berasa sedih, terkilan dengan diri sendiri yang tidak istiqamah dalam ibadah seharian atas sebab kesibukan. Namun, seperti kata-kata temanku (au kama qal); 'jangan kita bersedih kerana tidak dapat membaca al-Quran atau berzikir seperti kita selalu buat kerana kita sibuk dengan aktiviti lain. kita anggap pekerjaan yang kita buat sebagai ibadah. kalau kita tak jalankan fardhu kifayah ini, siapa lagi??'

Satu lagi peringatan buat diriku. Sesuatu pekerjaan yang dibuat dalam kumpulan, janganlah kita anggap kita sahaja yang boleh buat, tanpa memerlukan pertolongan orang lain. Kerana mungkin suatu masa itu kita akan buat dengan niat yang ikhlas, tapi apabila kita sudah penat, jenuh 'stand in'kan orang lain, ikhlas yang mula-mulanya pada tahap optimum, semakin lama semakin menurun, sehinggakan suatu masa nanti, pekerjaan yang kita buat hanya dilakukan atas dasar terpaksa semata-mata. Allah lindungilah aku serta mereka dari fitnah ini.

Moga-moga segala apa yang dibuat oleh Balai Islam pada sesi kali ini dapat dijadikan panduan oleh adik-adik yang akan menerajui Balai Islam pada sesi seterusnya. Dan moga-moga segala pekerjaan dinilai sebagai ibadah oleh Allah s.w.t.

Segala yang baik itu datang dari Allah s.w.t yang Maha Agung dan segala yang buruk itu datang dari diri hamba yang penuh dengan noda dan dosa, hamba yang amat lemah di sisi Rabbnya.

Wallahu a'lam

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Ya Allah
Sesungguhnya Kami Meletakkan Mu
Di Batang-batang Leher Musuh-musuh Kami
Dan Kami Berlindung DenganMu
Daripada kejahatan-kejahatan Mereka

Ya Allah
Leburkanlah Kumpulan-kumpulan Mereka
Pecah-belahkanlah Dan Kacau-bilaukanlah Persatuan Mereka
Goncangkanlah Pendirian Mereka
Dan Hantarkanlah Anjing-anjingMu Kepada Mereka

Wahai Tuhan Yang Gagah Perkasa
Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Menghukum
Wahai Tuhan Yang Bersifat Murka

Ya Allah, Ya Allah, Ya Allah
Wahai Tuhan Yang Menurunkan Kitab
Wahai Tuhan Yang Mengarakkan Awan
Wahai Tuhan Yang Menewaskan Bala Tentera al-Ahzab

Kalahkan Mereka
Kalahkan Mereka
Kalahkan Mereka
Dan Menangkanlah Kami Ke Atas Mereka


Even if i can't be there to fight, my prayers are with them...
Stay strong dear brothers and sisters

those four words griped my heart like a vice
let the heart thumps, beats...desperately for Allah
for His love
For love for mankind shall cease

cintakan manusia, manusia kan mati
cintakan bunga, bunga kan layu
cintakan Dia
cinta itu kekal abadi

let the feelings drift away, please

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Ya Rabb
Jadikanlah cintaku
Hanya cinta kepadaMu
dan ke atas RasulMu

Andai aku berdosa dengan memberikan 'penyakit' ke dalam jiwa para pria pejuang-pejuangMu
Ighfirli ya Rabb

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Asif Ya Rabb
Innaka Ghafurun Rahim

Terlalu banyak dosaku
adakah aku masih bisa mendapat pengampunanMu...??

Friday, January 2, 2009

Oh Ibu!!


Masa makan tengahari tadi, tiba-tiba teringatkan ibu di Singapura. Apa khabar ye ibu? Maklumlah, anak manja ibu, walaupun baru semalam ibu telefon memberi pesanan jangan keluar malam tahun baru, tapi masih rindu lagi.

Bila makan, terkenang kata-kata ibu: 'Kalau adik tak balik, ibu pun tak tau nak masak apa. Masak pun ibu yang makan sorang.' Sedih dengar keluhan ibu begitu. Ibu begitu keseorangan di rumah. Adik-adikku yang lain juga sibuk dengan hal masing-masing. Aku dan kakak pula di rantauan.

Pernah ibuku memberitahuku, beliau amat sedih jika aku tunda kepulanganku ke rumah setelah beliau bersusah payah memasak untukku. Aku seringkali mengadu aku rindu masakan ibu. Aku seolah-olah tiada idea nak makan apa lagi di kolej. Setiap kepulanganku pasti disambut dengan masakan-masakan yang istimewa.

Besar pengorbanan ibuku. Biarpun aku tidak dapat lagi merasakan kehangatan kasih sayang ayahku, ibuku melengkapi kasih sayang itu. Hanya Allah yang mampu memberikan ganjaran yang setimpal kepada ibuku.

Adik minta maaf
Adik memang banyak salah kat ibu...

Adik sayang ibu

Ibu jangan tinggalkan adik dulu tau...

p/s: Song dedicated to my dearest ibu: Lafaz yang tersimpan.


Harap-harap masih belum terlambat lagi untuk mengucapkan salam ma'al Hijrah yang ke-1430H kepada seluruh umat Islam. Alhamdulillah, segala puji dan syukur ku panjatkan kepada Yang Maha Esa kerana masih memberi kami kesempatan untuk bertemu tahun yang baru.

Dalam kemeriahan kita menyambut tahun baru hijrah, saudara-saudara kita nun jauh di Palestin sedang berduka. Kisah duka mereka tidak pernah hilang, malah semakin galak golongan-golongan yang tidak bertanggungjawab melakukan keganasan ke atas penduduknya. Aku bersimpati, namun ku tahu, simpatiku tidak mungkin mampu mengubatkan luka di hati mereka.

Aku bersyukur kerana dilahirkan dan hidup di dalam negara yang aman, yang jauh dari keganasan sebagaimana yang ditimpa ke atas saudara-saudaraku di sana. Moga-moga kesengsaraan mereka di dunia ini dibalas dengan kegembiraan di negara akhirat kelak.

Walaupun kita tidak dapat berjuang bersama mereka di sana, kita masih berpeluang untuk membantu semangat mereka di sini.

Moga-moga Allah melindungi kita semua dari bencana sedemikian, dan moga saudara kita diberi kekuatan untuk menghadapi dugaan ini.

Allahu ma'as sobiriin...

Wallahu a'lam


InsyaAllah, bermula Khamis, 8 Januari, dakwah mingguan yang telah lama diusulkan akan bergerak jua. Alhamdulillah, segala puji bagi Allah s.w.t moga-moga dengan adanya program ini, maka warga muslim (dan non-muslim juga) KUAZ terutamanya ahli keluarga Balai Islam dapat berkumpul dalam suatu jemaah yang 'centralised'.

Walaupun ketiadaan surau 'centralised', moga-moga dengan usaha kita ini, dapat dibangunkan sebuah surau khas untuk program berjemaah pada masa akan datang.

Namun, dalam kesibukan aku berdakwah kepada orang ramai, aku harus ingat, dakwah pertama yang wajib bagiku ialah dakwah kepada ahlul baitku. Sebagaimana Rasulullah s.a.w berdakwah kepada ahlal bait baginda sejurus selepas baginda ditabalkan sebagai nabi dan rasul, seperti itu juga aku. Kerana ahlul baitku adalah tanggunganku. Akanku ditanya pekerjaanku kepada ahli keluargaku.

Oleh itu, aku tidak boleh berputus asa, walaupun aku harus mengingatkan secara berulang-ulang, aku tetap harus jalankan amanah ini.

Berikanlah daku kekuatan untuk menghadapi ujianmu
Biar pahit harus ditelan
Ku takkan mengalah

Wallahu a'lam


Barely a week into the new semester and i'm already feeling drained. Maybe it's just the start of the semester and i'm still in my holiday mood.

There will be a lot of activities to be done this semester. I have to stop feeling tired easily. I need to build up my stamina fast. This semester will be a shorter one than the last one and i'm taking the same amount of credit hours as previous semester.

And i have to keep reminding myself, whatever that i'm doing, it's not because i wanted attention, not because i want to hear praises, but because i did it for Allah s.w.t and His Messenger s.a.w. For Islam.

Oh Allah
Keep my heart away from its diseases

For i am a mere mortal
and a mere servant
Help me through the tests you set upon me

Allah knows best. I'm sure.

Wallahu a'lam