بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

alhamdulillah, it's been about a month since i came back from spore...so far, i've to to a BTN course..it's supposed to be some sort like the NS, but since we had it in a resort, without all the necessary facilities, we are spared from the physical activities...we had marching every morning and afternoon, but apart from that, it was all lazing around during riadah...

the course is actually for the msians only, but somehow we, the international students, also got roped in...personally, i didn't mind much, except for the talks where the issue about spore is involved...that was truly unacceptable...LDKs were fun...i got a young man (an undergraduate in his final year) as a faci, and i enjoyed them very much...not because he's young, but because of our age group, my group members and i and the faci somehow got the same wavelength about most issues...

we thought that we were going to stay as one college, but the organisers thought it wouldn't be healthy, and so we were separated...it was actually a good move, because we can expand our circle of friends as well as get to know more from other perspectives...

only one thing that i regret...the sporeans were called onstage to perform the chicken dance and poco-poco...i was very much against the idea, but as i didn't want to create a scene in front of around 400 people, i just got on stage...i didn't enjoy it but i had to lie...i had to show that i was actually enjoying it...

the course had done me good too...i'm now more open to people, and can express my opinions about how things were done at the college...in terms of reprimanding people, i'm still working on it...except for what i told you huda..that, i'm having a hard time...

we went to sungai congkak today for a picnic...and sadly to say, somehow i was too happy that i didn't take care much about pergaulan...i tried to control myself from screaming, but the others made me do it...i was sitting enjoying the feel of the water on my feet, when suddenly i was drenched by someone...i know i'm the type that is easily terperanjat, i screamed...

and then they sabotaged those who are celebrating their birthday on the month of june and july...in the event, i'm sure i had touched a guy's hand..accidentally...i didn't mean to, but somehow it just happened...

i'm so full of remorse...i never want myself to be like this, but the situation is always against me somehow...it's like i'm deprived from being the real me when i'm with them...

and now, it looks like someone has an eye for me...i don't know if it's true, but by the way he acts around me, it looks like that...liyana told me this guy actually asked if i went back to get engaged...and he keeps on asking about me...(huda, i might need to call you...to others, it's really complicated to write...someday, i'll tell you all k...)

scary...but i'll try to practise what you wrote to me huda...no more softspoken around guys...

ok that's the long update...
hope you all enjoyed it..

والله أعلم

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

sukar untuk diungkapkan perasaan ini
adakah aku masih setia pada yang tidak pasti
atau aku sudah berpaling arah...
dia tetap dalam ingatan
namun tingkah lakunya mengguriskan hatiku
jika ya, katakan ya
jika tidak, terus terang sahaja
jangan buat ku ternanti-nanti...

aku bingung
adakah apa yang ku rasakan selama ini
hanya suatu mainan?
atau ia angkara syaitan
yang mahu melalaikan...?

aku masih lagi mengharap

kan ku tetap berdoa
moga kita dapat bersama..
insyaAllah..

والله أعلم