the responsibility as Muslims

Bismillah

Once, my sister and I had quite a heated argument discussion with my mother with regards to the responsibility of a Muslim. We were watching a Malay drama about a married couple whose marriage 'aqd was voided because the wali was not the bride's legitimate father. The bride's parents refused to tell their daughter the truth and the matter was left untouched until one day their daughter told them that she was pregnant. The father did not want history to repeat itself, but the mother was adamant not to tell their daughter of their shameful past.

I touched lightly on the subject of how we have to tell some of our relatives that if their daughters are going to marry, they have to tell the truth and not let the stepfathers or other non-legal male to be their wali so as to avoid the above situation. I did not think that my mother would react strongly against the idea.

She totally opposed to the idea. I told her that it is our duty as Muslims, and being family members, we would be the best people to approach our relatives. She said some other relatives had tried to in the past and  what happened was broken family ties. She did not want the same thing to happen again. She did not want to hear people say things like, 'Jaga anak kau tu sendiri.', 'Ingat baik sangat ke..' and the likes.

I told my mother that we have to ignore those kind of remarks but the duty is still ours to perform. In the end, I had to say to my mother that it would be better for her to say that she has no strength yet to say it upfront but she will insyaAllah. Opposing what has been decreed upon us is very dangerous and might tether us to the path of kufr, wa na'uzubillah...

It is sometimes hard to make my mother understand some things I have learned. I do not want to sound more educated than her, but at the same time, I want to share these thoughts with her.

Allah, show me the way for me to be firm yet kind to my mother.