Project: Apology

Bismillah

I feel the need to accomplish something during my 'free' time so I set up a project named Project: Apology. This is because I have made a lot of mistakes to many but I did not have a big heart to say "I'm sorry" then so I am going to say it now.

Recently, I changed the concept of my bedroom. From a little girl's room to a mature lady's room (yeah, right!) My mother had been bugging me for quite some time about my gigantic bed and she had been asking for it to be thrown away. At long last, my bed was gone.. all but the bookcase. (If the bookcase is gone too, I wouldn't know where to put all my precious books)

At the same time, I also did a bit of tidying up my things and I found a stack of old pictures. Most of the pictures were from my secondary school years at Irsyad. Those were happy but jahil moments. There were pictures of my male friends, my girlfriends not properly covered.. At that time, I did not feel guilty taking pictures of myself, my female family members and my female friends without any headgear because I never thought that the person who develops the pictures of us will look at those pictures but I was wrong. I was naive then.

It broke my heart looking at the old pictures and I feel that I need to apologize to them for my thoughtlessness. :'(

I have to apologize to my students' parents because I have been MIA since I came back for Aidilfitri holidays. I miss my students but I cannot seem to bring myself to go to their house. :(

I have to apologize to my former boss. She messaged me TWO times but I did not reply both. I just don't know what to answer. :(

And my biggest mistake to a person would be to one of my close friends, H. Ever since we live apart from each other, I kept feeling that our wavelengths just don't click as much as they used to be. We have more differences now than before. I kept running away from her messages and friendly gestures, for reasons I do not understand. :(

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A friend's status on facebook jolts me back to reality.

"Bagaimanakah jenazah ketika hidup?"
"Bagaimanakah jenazah ketika hidup?"
"Bagaimanakah jenazah ketika hidup?"

Soalan di atas diulang sebanyak tiga kali oleh seorang imam selepas selesai menyembahyangkan jenazah. Dijawab "Dia seorang yang baik" oleh para makmum."

I do not want to leave this world in sorrow for being a selfish human being. :(