bismillah

this post was meant to be posted some four weeks ago...anyway, since i have painstakingly typed this long post, i decided not to delete it...

i've been to two postmortems..not on human bodies, but about the activities that i joined in...one was the explorace during maulidur rasul, and the other was the annual grand meeting of PMIUM (stands for Persatuan Mahasiswa Islam Universiti Malaya)...everything went fine..actually, i was hesitant to disclose my origin during the agm postmortem, but since they already knew about it, i might as well tell them personally, rather than hide the fact that i'm sporean...

reason being, this organization is known for its campus political involvement..many who were caught having any relation or participating actively with PMIUM were dealt severely...i don't want to participate in anything that's political, and so was hesitant in case they decided i might be a potential candidate for the upcoming elections and such...

in any case, i was already sought after....i just got a message yesterday asking my help to write an article on current issues in English for PMIUM...i don't mind helping as long as it's not something political that i have to write...if that's the case, then sayonara to them....sorry, but i value my good name in campus....i don't want to tarnish my good name with a simple case of badmouthing others

as for the other postmortem, we actually have to comment on activities done by balai Islam KUAZ...we, as in balai Islam committee members...and so i brought up the issue of us having big projects, but during those projects that we see ourselves work....when there were no big projects, balai Islam seems non-existant...but all in all, i congratulate ourselves for our success..the president for balai Islam himself admitted that balai Islam had gotten the most projects for the college...mabruk!!!

and yes, i had joined in a biz promoted by my leader for sports and recreation unit for raudhah camp...i can't call this person by his position all the time, so i will name him.. well, azmi introduced to me this top-up biz...i was reluctant at first, coz it seems like a hoax..but seeing as my friends' needs are greater than the risk involved, i decided to join...it's a simple biz actually...i just need to misscall or msg a certain number, and voila, your account has been top-upped... (is there such an expression??)

it has brought much ease to our life actually...now we don't need to frequent the shops for top-up slips...just text me and i'll do it for them..hehe

speaking of azmi, my friend and i have noticed much changes in his attitude...we used to be scared of him, coz he seems the rough and harsh....but after working with him on two activities, we're not so scared of him anymore...recently, he asked me for nasyids...i was surprised, naturally, as he doesn't seem the type to like nasyids...but anyway, even if it surprises me, i gave him a few songs...

huda kept saying that we managed to tarbiyyah him...but all thanks to God...we are only a medium, Allah is the only one that can change his servants....

wallahu a'la wa a'lam

ukhuwwah

bismillah

alhamdulillah, terungkai sudah segala teka-teki...aku bersyukur kerana tidak dipandang serong atas kejujuranku..aku berasa bebas setelah kuluahkan isi hatiku..seakan-akan selama ini, rahsia yang kusimpan merupakan beban ke atas diriku..

terima kasih kawan kerana menyokongku...tidak pernah ku terfikir bahawa kau juga sedar akan tingkah laku ku...dan tingkah lakunya...

bismillah

adakah aku berdosa
kerana melupakan janji
sedangkan apa yang kutinggalkan
bukanlah suatu taklif ke atas diriku

adakah aku harus disisihkan
atas sebab berlainan pemikiran

antara menepati janji dan meninggalkan maksiat
yang mana harus ku awla kan..

mengapa harus aku mengalah

ya Allah
hambaMu lemah

ya Allah
jika aku di jalan yang benar
maka pandulah aku terus ke jalan itu

andainya aku di jalan yang sesat
maka bantulah aku kembali ke jalan yang kau redhai

amiin

hati

bismillah

ya Allah..
aku mohon padaMu, berilah aku kekuatan untuk aku tepis perasaan ini...
bukan itu yang aku inginkan dari perkenalan kita ya Allah...
sesungguhnya aku berniat ingin berkawan semasa kita bekerja bersama, tiada lain..
tapi kenapa apabila dia jauh dari pandangan, hatiku resah..

setiap bait kata-katanya selalu bermain di benakku...
adakah dia juga berperasaan yang sama..??
aku terfikir, adakah aku penyebab dia menjadi begitu..
adakah tutur kataku, lenggok bahasa badanku menjadi sebab..??

kalau itulah jwpnnya, maka ya Allah, ampunilah aku...
aku tidak berniat hendak menjadi fitnah kepada dia..
aku tidak mahu kerana aku, imannya rapuh..
dia menjadi lalai...
sehingga cintanya padaMu berkurangan dari cintanya kepada hambaMu yang dhaif ini

ya Allah, aku juga mohon, andai cintaku padanya melebihi dari cintaku padaMu
maka kau jauhi lah rasa cinta ini dariku..
aku lemah, hanya padaMu tempat ku mengadu...

seandainya kami sudah ditakdirkan bersama
kau bukakanlah jalan untuk kami bersama dlm keadaan yg kau redhai ya Allah...
peliharalah kami dari dosa zina hati ya Allah...
sesungguhnya kami tidak mampu menambah dosa lagi..

ya Allah, bantulah aku untuk menghadapi hati yang resah ini..
aku tk ingin aku terbuai dgn cinta yg sia-sia
cinta yang sementara
sedangkan cinta padaMu adalah cinta yang hakiki
dan kau telah janjikan yang terbaik untukku
maka aku tidak sanggup terlepas dari janjiMu
begitu juga tidak mahu melihat dia terlepas dari janjiMu...

ya Allah..
sesungguhnya kau lebih mengetahui apa di dalam hati..
oleh itu ya Allah, andai terselit jua rasa cinta terhalang
maka bantulah aku dalam membersihkan hati ini...

amin ya rabbal 'alamin

ape maknenye??

bismillah..

i dreamt that i was celebrating this person's birthday...and it turned out to be a celebration for me and this person..
so what does the dream mean??
hm...
maybe i was thinking about this person too much..
and i should probably stop thinking about this person..
yes, that's what i'll do..

wallahu a'lam

friends

i want to meet everyone, but i can't seem to find time for them..i've made promises to some of them, but i've yet to meet them..it's weird that i have more than a month here, yet i feel as if time fly away quickly..and i seem to be busy all the time, but busy doing what, i can't recall...

it's really hard to have different sets of friends...

obsession

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I don't know why it is hard for me to share the good things I have.. It's not like it's mine, and I don't own it...yet, I feel a pang of jealousy when another is in the midst...
hhmmm, if only I can rid myself from this bad feeling...


>>p/s: and this has nothing to do with the other sex :p


والله أعلم

is it a sign..??

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

hm, I've actually been wondering this for a long time, since I dreamt about this person for the first time.. I don't know what it means when this person appeared in my dreams.. And it happened usually in a sudden manner.. I've not seen this person for almost two years, and we have not contacted each other since we left school.. as a matter of fact, we had almost never contacted one another even when we were still schooling.. what makes me think so much about this, I usually dreamt about this person being extra special to me.. almost lovingly, one could say.. when this person never, ever show that side of him before.. it's kind of scary..

ok, it's not like I don't harbour any feelings for him... I remembered doing something so foolish during my secondary years... I discovered emails when I was in sec2, so I thought I would have some fun disturbing the boys by sending them emails, claiming that they were from their secret admirers... I didn't realised that my name will appear.. all the other boys ignored those emails, knowing that they were from me, but this person was sweet.. not only that this person did not laugh at my foolish attempts to make a fool out of him, this person even wrote back to me, and quite a few times at that... though at school, we both pretended that we never talk to each other before (that i don't know why..)

and so, here I am thinking, are my dreams some sort of a sign?? my friend told me, when you found your true partner, your heart will say so.. problem is, I don't know whether I could trust my heart.. and as for this, my heart doesn't say anything..

والله أعلم