Ceritera selepas 6 tahun (almost)

Bismillahir rahmanir rahim..

Last post was in 2014 and now it's 2020. A lot (and i mean a lot) had happened for the past 6 years. I am no longer a free-spirited young lady in search of new adventures but a stay-at-home mum with limited movements. Yes, i know i sounded regretful... Things have not been what i imagined before. I didn't count on being so helpless after being married. The happily ever after ending fantasy was not how i painted in my mind. Alhamdulillah i am blessed with 2 darlings who are the apples of my eyes. But i can't seem to be on the same pages as my other half. Sometimes, i blame myself for jumping too soon on the bandwagon. I see my friends getting hitched one by one and i couldn't wait for my turn.

I am grateful I'm able to spend time with my children almost 24/7 by staying at home and not out there working. But i do get burnt out from time to time... and this is almost always what we can't agree on. I can't go out there spending time with friends, i can't spend too much time on the phone to relax, i can't  even spend time for online classes or coaching when the children are awake. Yes, the children are at a tender age and i should be more attentive to them. However i think the children would be able to benefit more if there are socialising with others, and not only just cooped up with their overly-exhausted mother. And i definitely think the children can learn valuable lessons if they are taught to behave in the presence of others.

So now i am an agent of business entity. Before joining, it was already informed there will be online coaching and stuffs. Definitely definitely i will have to be on the phone more. But i cannot join the coaching classes or meetings in the presence of children. Because the children needs me more. HELLO??!! Why introduce me to this when you know you are not agreeable to this kind of arrangement? This is child's play? That i don't have to do AT ALL what is needed because the main importance is the children? Yang rezeki tu dah ditulis, buat apa pun rezeki tetap sama? Tak payah buat betul2?

Ya Allah..ya Razzaq, ya Fattah, ya 'Alim.. ya Hakim, ya Rashid, ya Muhaimin, ya Mujiib, ya Ghafur, ya Rahman, ya Rahim....Anta ta'lam kaifa hali.. guide me through this challenge and help me mend my relationship with You..