friends

i want to meet everyone, but i can't seem to find time for them..i've made promises to some of them, but i've yet to meet them..it's weird that i have more than a month here, yet i feel as if time fly away quickly..and i seem to be busy all the time, but busy doing what, i can't recall...

it's really hard to have different sets of friends...

obsession

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I don't know why it is hard for me to share the good things I have.. It's not like it's mine, and I don't own it...yet, I feel a pang of jealousy when another is in the midst...
hhmmm, if only I can rid myself from this bad feeling...


>>p/s: and this has nothing to do with the other sex :p


والله أعلم

is it a sign..??

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

hm, I've actually been wondering this for a long time, since I dreamt about this person for the first time.. I don't know what it means when this person appeared in my dreams.. And it happened usually in a sudden manner.. I've not seen this person for almost two years, and we have not contacted each other since we left school.. as a matter of fact, we had almost never contacted one another even when we were still schooling.. what makes me think so much about this, I usually dreamt about this person being extra special to me.. almost lovingly, one could say.. when this person never, ever show that side of him before.. it's kind of scary..

ok, it's not like I don't harbour any feelings for him... I remembered doing something so foolish during my secondary years... I discovered emails when I was in sec2, so I thought I would have some fun disturbing the boys by sending them emails, claiming that they were from their secret admirers... I didn't realised that my name will appear.. all the other boys ignored those emails, knowing that they were from me, but this person was sweet.. not only that this person did not laugh at my foolish attempts to make a fool out of him, this person even wrote back to me, and quite a few times at that... though at school, we both pretended that we never talk to each other before (that i don't know why..)

and so, here I am thinking, are my dreams some sort of a sign?? my friend told me, when you found your true partner, your heart will say so.. problem is, I don't know whether I could trust my heart.. and as for this, my heart doesn't say anything..

والله أعلم

haiz..

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I have told him time and again, but he won't listen..in any case, he even turned a deaf ear to what I'm saying.. I want only the best for him, for my whole family.. I have been made known, I have been told, I have learned all this.. I feel obligated to share, yet none would listen to me.. why? Is my technique wrong? am I too insistent? I don't want them to leave this world in vain.. especially my dear mother.. she's a good mother, and I know how hard-working she is when it comes to ibadat.. I don't want all that she had done go down the drain as a result of bad judgment.. hopefully I'm able to convince them one day, preferably sooner...

والله أعلم

reflection

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Diambil dari friendster seorg ukht..

Dipetik dari web iluvislam.com...

Sedar tidak sedar, sudah 3 tahun saya mengenali awak. Tak pernah saya terfikir peristiwa memalukan saya terjatuh kedalam longkang membuat hati kita bertaut. Terima kasih kepada Allah kerana mentakdirkan saya terjatuh dan terima kasih juga kerana Allah menggerakkan awak untuk mentertawakansaya. Jika tidak, hubungan kita tidak mungkin sampai sejauh ini. Siapa pernah menyangka peristiwa sekecil itu mampu mengikat hati dua insan. Walaupun saya dan awak masing-masing berjauhan, teknologi benar-benar mengikat kita.

Saya sedar, hari demi hari saya semakin menyenangi kehadiran awak dalam hidupsaya. Saya bersyukur atas hubungan ini. Bersyukur kerana kita bukanlah seperti pasangan kekasih lain. Awak tidak pernah mengucap kata rindu, apatah lagi kata sayang. Seingat saya sepanjang 3 tahun ini, tidak sampai 5 kali kita bersua muka. Itupun tatkala awak dan keluarga datang beraya ke rumah saya. Saya juga bersyukur ibu bapa kita saling meredhai persahabatan kita. Hari demi hari, kita semakin matang. Saya semakin mengenali dunia, semakin mendalami ajaran Islam sebenar. Dulu, saya fikir hubungan kita tidak salah. Ya, memang tidak salah dari pandangan mata luar. Namun jujur jauh di sudut hati saya, saya sering merindui awak biarpun tiada siapa antara kita yang pernah melafazkannya. Pernah saya angankan awak menjadi pembimbing keluarga saya kelak. MasyaAllah, begitu jauh saya lalai. Kata-kata seorang teman suatu waktu dulu benar-benar mendorong saya berfikir panjang. “Zina hati sememangnya kelihatan kecil, namun dosanya tetap sama”.

Astaghfirullah…saya beristighfar panjang. Dengan segala kekuatan yang ada, saya katakan kepada awak. “Jangan hubungi saya lagi melainkan awak bersedia mengahwini saya”. Saya sendiri tidak pasti dengan apa yang sayal akukan. Saya sedar awak pasti kebingungan dengan kata-kata saya kerana antara kita sememangnya tiada yang istimewa. Saya juga sedar hakikatnya, awak juga punya perasaan terhadap saya biarpun awak membisu seribu bahasa. Hubungan kita terputus begitu sahaja. Enam bulan berlalu dengan amat sukarbagi saya. Setiap hari saya berdoa semoga Allah permudahkan segala yang terbaik untuk saya, semoga Allahpermudahkan jika apa yang saya lakukan benar-benar keranaNya. Ingin saya katakan, betapa sukar melupakan awak.

Dalam kesibukan saya melupakan awak, tiba-tiba saya dikejutkan dengan rombongan peminangan. Andai awak dapat melihat hati saya, pastinya awak tahu betapa terkejutnya saya. Ya, awak tunaikan permintaan saya. Awak datang lagi ke rumah saya, tapi kali ini dengan sebentuk cincin. Sekarang saya sudah sah menjadi permaisuri hidup awak. Sekarang saya bebas merindui awak tanpa rasa berdosa, saya bebas berbicara dengan awak tanpa rasa bersalah dan saya bebas menyayangi awak kerana awaklah pembimbing hidup saya. Terima kasih Allah ikatkan kita dengan tali perkahwinan biarpun pada usia muda remaja. Terima kasih Allah menghadirkan awak sekali lagi dalam hidup saya.


sweet ending..
i hope my fairytale will end that way too..but right now, i think it's better if i focus all my willpower to doing something good first.. i still have yet to make my mark upon this world...
never thought what i've been doing all this while was wrong (see bold part)
in any case, i should probably top-up my iman..

reflection (muhasabah) is the best thing to do now..

tata

hello

ok, so far i've been wondering what is so great about blogging here..
now i'm exploring..
hopefully this new blog of mine can store better things than my current one..

tata