Allah is the reason I exist
Allah shall be the end of my journey
Allah is my only salvation

Where my position in the eyes of Allah
Is where Allah stands in my heart

siapa aku?

apa yang ingin terjadi
aku semakin renggang darimu
aku semakin jauh darimu
makin aku mahu perbaiki hubungan kita
makin aku banyak melukakan dirimu

aku sering dihimpit rasa bersalah
rasa gelisah
aku tahu, kesilapan itu berpunca dari aku

aku yang berubah
aku bukan lagi aku yang dulu

siapa aku...?
aku juga seakan tidak mengenali diriku lagi...

adakah aku harus memberitahumu...?
adakah aku harus menjauhkan diri darinya...?

aku tidak mengerti
adakah silapku kerana berdiam diri...?

jika ya, katakanlah

kau pernah bertanya, adakah dia masih lagi menghubungiku...?
aku katakan tidak...kerana yang kudengar ialah jam 2/3 pagi...
tapi jika yang kau maksudkan ialah bila2 masa saja
ya, kita masih lagi berhubungan

dia seringkali meminta bantuanku
menterjemahkan nota-nota inggeris

aku sudah malas hendak bertanya
mengapa aku juga yang dimintanya
sedangkan ramai lagi yang boleh menolongnya

dan aku mengaku
kadangkala
kita mungkin kecundang dari berhubung tentang soal pelajaran
tapi aku cuba
seboleh-bolehnya menepis semuanya

andai dengan perbuatanku ini
sama seperti menipu dirimu
aku minta maaf
walaupun aku pasti maaf ini tidak cukup...

mungkin juga telah menghakis lagi kepercayaanmu padaku
aku sedar, semua ini berpunca dariku
dan aku jugalah yang harus menganggung akibat perbuatanku

we're still friends
we're still messaging one another
just don't get the wrong idea

it may seem that we are sharing more than just a friendship
but i consider myself as merely a friend

yes, there are advances upon me
and i am trying my best to not fall into it...

i am trying my best to block out
all those sweet words that are used to lure me...

the past still haunts me
the past when i believed everything we did were right
the past when i ignored the cries of sins
the past when i broke the trust between you and me...

i hope not to test your trust once more
once hurt, twice shy

maybe i already did
and maybe you find me nothing more than just a liar

bismillah

life is not what it seems anymore
everything changes
i've changed
you've changed
everyone changes

the gap have grown even more apart
i seem superficial
you...?

i am at loss
for words...

i am at loss

retribution
may be the 'gift' i received

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

i hate being in this position..
i hate when i can't confide in anyone
i hate it when i have to live in secrecy..

i know what i'm doing, and what i've done
was what i will never accept
but sometimes i can't help myself

i kept saying that my sole purpose was to help
but i guess
Allah knows better

there were many times..many incidences
that i might have kept out of line
but everytime, Allah helped me
to steer away from doing wrong...

Allah tested me once..
and somehow i felt
i failed the test...

i guess many know now...
but truly
i've no other agenda
except as friends

maybe, i'm too close
and somehow questions are raised

i guess
to stop questions from arising
this friendship has to forgo

i'm afraid too
that this friendship
might develop to a relationship

a path which i don't want to go through...

friends, i hope to be sincere with you
but i need time
i need strength

in due time, i'll tell all
but for now, never stop reminding me
to stop myself from doing wrong
especially since Ramadhan is coming...

i sincerely hope so
please don't let me drift away further...

bismillah

confusion
is the word for me now
confused over my emotions
confused over my actions

and the reason behind it...?
i think i know the answer...
but simply knowing is not enough

what shall i do?

everything felt so different...
i don't even know how to define myself right now
even with my closest friend, i cannot share some secrets any more...

sometimes i feel, my friends don't understand me,
don't understand my situation,
don't understand my reactions...

along came another
one that show care and concern
or is it, too much care and concern...?

i don't know what i truly feel about this person..
i'm not crazy about him
but i simply can't ignore messages from him...

sometimes, i enjoy being the centre of his attention...
even though i kept saying that nothing will come between us...

maybe, just maybe, i've never been treated this way before...
by any other guy
and he somehow touched a tender part in me...

i never wanted myself to be this way

now I’m easily offended
my emotions are constantly unstable
and I felt, I cry too much

so dear friend, can you bring me back to who i was...?